Prayer Collage as Kids Move On and Out

I made this collage today while I was feeling sad about my kids growing up and moving on and out.  I am delighted and grateful that they are adventuresome, confident and responsible to want to learn and grow, serve and work, and I celebrate that.  But there are still losses to grieve and feelings to face honestly, especially after raising and homeschooling them for 25 years (with two years yet to go with our youngest).  What a shock 25 years ago to suddenly adjust to my time and my sleep not being my own, for this introvert to have to expend energy interacting with kids most of the day and into the night.  And what a shock to now face quiet days and an empty (or nearly empty) house.

These days God doesn't let me dwell on the negative for long without also recognizing the positive.  Here are the words that came to me as I pondered and prayed my collage:

Emptiness.  Autumn.  Twilight.  Leaving.  Kids gone.  Sadness.  Loneliness.  Seeking.  Age.  Grieving.

Solitude.  Memories.  Joy.  Gratitude.  Harvest.  Letting go.  Flight.  Watching over.  Growth.  Maturity.  Celebrating.

Me

I wouldn't normally entitle a post, Me, but part of spiritual formation is accepting who we are, both the bad and good, and discovering the hidden parts of our personality, the shadow and the golden shadow,   As I've grown with God over the years, I've come to know myself better, accept myself more and to integrate the shadow side, though I've still a ways to go.  Here's some of the generally good I know about myself.  (I say generally, because a good trait taken to an extreme, can be a weakness--my husband would say that about my curiosity!  Maybe I need to write a companion piece that contains some of the negative.)

Me

Eclectic

Animal lover

Nancy Drew & Sherlock Holmes—Books!

Curious

Creative

New experiences, travel

Learning, thinking, growing

Exploring the world outside & in

By foot, by plane, by words printed & digital,
in silent gazing, listening & musing

Contemplation

Sharing what I’ve learned

Encouraging others to grow

Haiku of Hours

Praying Liturgy of Hours, the subject of this haiku, with the Carmelite Nuns in Elysburg two decades ago opened my eyes to the beauty and deep peace of this ancient practice and for several years, was a daily practice for me.

Also called Divine Office, these seven daily times of prayer come out of Christian monasticism and were developed based on Psalm 119:164 "Seven times a day I praise you for your righteous law," and regular Jewish times of prayer, as observed by the Apostles in Acts.  Several denominations including Catholic, Orthodox, Lutheran and Anglican pray the hours with many people praying just the major hours, Morning (Lauds) and Evening (Vespers) and sometimes Night (Compline).  

Morning Prayer starts with the rousing, "Lord, open my lips.  And my mouth with proclaim your praise," from Psalm 51:15.  Night Prayer includes the words of Simeon after he had seen the long-awaited Savior, "Lord, now you let your servant go in peace," and the soothing petition, "Protect us, Lord, as we stay awake; watch over us as we sleep, that awake we may keep watch with Christ, and asleep, rest in His peace."  If you wish to learn more about this beautiful Scriptural practice, see Liturgy of Hours.  See Divine Office if you wish to try it yourself.  Apps and books are also available.  

(NB:  The Catholic Church now has Office of Readings which can be done anytime in place of Vigil which for a time was called Matins, but I have used the older Latin Hours.)

Vigil—Night

Cozy warm darkness

Ever-wakeful God watches

We rest in His love

Matins/Lauds—Dawn

Awake soul, body

Return to light, greet your God

Awaiting His will

Terce—Mid-morning

Tea, daily scripture

Shake off peaceful drowsiness

Time of beginning

Sext—Noon

Momentum has built

—Daily pause for refreshment—

Continuing on

None—Mid-afternoon

Pause now for prayer

Checking over todo list

Readjust focus

Vespers—Evening

With twilight, slow down

Wrapping up, evening plans

Soul, body relax

Compline—Night

Sleep taking over

Days deeds given to God

      Dismissed in His peace

"I am going to start living like a monk..."

These photos and poems were inspired by two books I am praying with these days.  One suggested taking photos of the texture of your day and what you surround yourself with. Since I am recovering from foot surgery and it's been cold, I sit near the fire and hear these clocks ticking which, when I am aware of it, helps me to be in the moment and still myself.  The other recommended starting with, "I am going to start living like a monk," and just write your thoughts on that and then compose a poem from those thoughts.

Daily hours, daily rhythms,

gardens and cloisters, robes and tonsures 

these I associate with being a monk.

What, then, does it mean for me live like a monk?

Prayer.

My life saturated, punctuated with prayer.

Choosing God’s way, even when I don’t like it.

Compassion, service, obedience to Your will.

Ora et labora.

Rhythmical...peaceful—hah!

What monastery is always peaceful?—

Disagreements, appointments, crises;

different people with different ways of doing things.

Finances, storms, illness, death.

Peace is a goal, a gift—gained and lost

—and regained over a lifetime.

But eventually, deep down, in spite of troubles and trials,

a peaceful river flows,

streams of God.

And, increasingly, peace and prayer are woven

into the fabric of mind and heart.

The light of Christ brightens and underlays

even the dark night.

And growth happens.

Compassion, wisdom, 

fostered by obedience to the rhythmical flow, 

worn paths creating openings for Christ 

in the soul of a monk.

Trust grows,

trust in God’s guidance;

not always doubting my choices, His love;

peace about that even.

A sense of vocation,

living God’s call—or many callings.

Being in the moment, 

sensing the peaceful, eternal quality of each moment.

Seeing beneath the surface,

in touch with the Divine.

Order, simplicity—

even in this complex, chaotic life!

Letting go, receiving;

more rhythms to embrace.

Greeting others with a smile.

Offering the encouraging word, the helping hand;

sharing silence with grief.

Listening, always listening

to God, to the wind, to others

to my own heart

to what is beneath, unspoken

An ideal?  A goal—

"the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus.”

This, for me, is living like a monk.

One Word, Not Multiple Resolutions, for the New Year

A few years ago I read about choosing one word for the New Year as a focus rather than making a bunch of resolutions likely forgotten or broken.  The word may represent a growing edge, a way of becoming, a challenge, an encouragement, a signpost.  So that's what I've done for the past few years.  Problem is, I never did much beyond thinking about the word vaguely throughout the year and wondering why it didn't seem to make much difference in my life.

This year, rather than just choose a word that floats nebulously in the background all year, I've decided to more intentionally ingest and ponder it, allowing it to permeate and nourish me, rather like Lectio Divina, so I've started with art prayer journaling and two word clouds of synonyms created at wordle.com.

Choosing the word is more an intuitive, heart activity rather than a logical, mind-based one, though there is a logic to the word.  Rather than think hard about it, I think about my intention to have a word, then wait for one to come to me that seems right.  Fidelity came to me a month or so ago, and it's very appropriate, which was especially obvious after reviewing my journal entries for 2014, a yearly practice.

While there are multiple facets of fidelity to explore, my first and deep desire is for greater fidelity in my relationship with God.  To be:

• faithful in spending intentional, focused time with Him each day
• loyal to His will for me
• steadfast in loving others as He commands
• solid in my belief in His compassionate love and mercy for me
• devoted to Father, Son and Holy Spirit

Solid, true blue letters on a rock gives me a good image to carry.   Just the process of looking up synonyms and considering their nuances broadens and enhances my understanding of fidelity.  It's a good start.